The difference is between a worker who wants to accomplish something and a worker who wants to appear to want to accomplish something.
It’s very easy to identify which is which.
Hand someone a piece of paper and tell them to go “give it to Bob”. They won’t know who that is, so describe where to find a desk that isn’t Bob’s but exists, somewhere. The person will go to the (unoccupied) desk and see that Bob isn’t there.
If they left the paper- good. Now wait a day and ask them if Bob got that paper.
If they say, “well I left it on his desk”- that’s a person that doesn’t give a shit about what you were trying to accomplish. It’s not someone who is invested in the things you ask them to do.
They will do what you tell them, nothing more.
But if he has been by his desk three times, or comes to you and asks for Bob’s phone number or email address so we can make sure Bob gets that paper?
There you go. That’s something you can build on.
That’s the problem we have with the Army right now.
Those kinds of Soldiers have become the most Senior NCOs in the Army.
So they are ok with sending out a mass text at 2100 changing the PT formation time from 0630 to 0530 and counseling you when you don’t show up.
That makes sense to them, because they did what they were supposed to. They sent the text. Not their fault.
Doesn’t matter if it’s your fault or not. It matters that you can get blamed.
That’s another thing to watch.
I flipped out on a SSG inside a TOC because about an hour after I asked him to call Division to work an issue he said, “yeah I called but no one answered”.
“Well fuck it then, huh? They didn’t answer so that’s it! Sorry about those comms, sir- we tried to fix it but they didn’t answer. Want some gum?”
Do your leaders know their Soldiers?
Ask a random NCO the name of his Soldier’s spouse. If that Soldier has been there longer than a month, and the NCO doesn’t know- that’s a problem.
And the reason this stuff never gets fixed is because it’s HARD. It’s DIFFICULT to walk around and interact with people all day and deal with their shit.
Can’t I just change the name on this counseling and have them sign it?
Sure!
So no shit there I was (yeah I said it what) in Germany giving a class on Oak Tree Counseling.
Now what an Oak Tree Counseling was intended to be was a conversation. Just a leader and a Soldier, under the oak tree, having a conversation about the Soldier’s plans for the weekend, the risks involved in those plans and how to mitigate them.
It’s not complicated.
Soldier: “yeah I’m going to the club and getting FUCKED UP!”
NCO: “Yeah I hear you. But make sure someone is sober enough to keep you from going home with a wild animal. And if you need a ride home, call me anytime- no questions asked. Just don’t do anything stupid.”
Soldier: “Roger that!”
Now does this work? Who knows. Without paperwork involved there’s no way to standardize the brief so there’s no way to know what the conversation covers, or how the risks are being mitigated.
So of course, we have to fix that.
Nine. Nine pieces of paper. That’s what the oak tree counseling became. It had a great chart that lines up your age to your apparent inability to drive and a fun math game for you to add or subtract points based on your criteria, etc. etc.
Oh, and no one is released for the weekend until they are all completed and signed.
And no, there’s no block of time to complete them. Just do them on your time.
So what do you think happens next?
That’s right. Pencil-whipped.
Because we don’t give a fuck about Soldier safety.
We give a fuck about completing all the appropriate paperwork to ensure we can brief and have administrative proof that we cared about Soldier safety on a certain date as indicated by a signature.
Now here’s my real issue.
Suicide.
The Army has a problem with suicide.
It’s actually AMERICA that has a suicide problem, but right now I’m focusing on the military.
All the Soldiers know how to look for a suicidal person.
Are they giving away their things? Are they constantly depressed? Have they said, “you know what fellows? I think I’m going to retire early by strangling myself with a rope I have tied to a ceiling rafter. Ta-ta!”
No? Then they’re good.
I know this, because I was a Soldier who contemplated suicide.
It was after I got back from Iraq and moved to Fort Gordon to become an instructor at the Signal School.
That happened to coincide with my fiancé leaving me.
So yeah. That sucked.
And in the deepest parts of that darkness, my NCO leadership would always be there to counsel me for being late to formation. Or to issue me a letter of concern for my permanent file.
Only two people actually asked me if I was ok.
Both were in Iraq with me.
But the leaders who were responsible for my morale, health and welfare?
Not once.
They did all the paperwork. They completed the counseling to make sure I had their phone number. They typed pretty words into the boxes and read them without looking me in the eye.
Because they didn’t give a shit.
They just wanted to make sure they had the paperwork to show their boss they gave a shit if I offed myself.
I didn’t (spoiler alert), and to be honest it was never truly a consideration. I was alone, true. But I could never do that to my family, and I knew I never would.
But I’ve known many Soldiers that have. Two of them worked for me at an earlier part of their lives.
And each time I see it, I ask myself:
“Did we give a shit? Or did we want people to think we did?”
Just some food for thought.
Nonsense from a crazy man 
Ab-so-fuckinglutely.
I think my blood pressure spiked at my memories of some of these NCOs… but that might be the tasty bacon I munched on while reading.
Excellent post…
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Thank you for reading!
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When you have men and women, whom you maybe taking into combat, you want to make absolutely sure that they are ready, both physically and mentally. NCO’s are the babysitters, the Mommies or Daddies, that must take care of their brood if they expect them to function in their assignment. You don’t have to be drinking buddies or their best friend, but you damn well better know each individual of your team and work with them and talk to them to make them feel a part of it. Instill upon them that they matter and that they contribute to the very fabric of staying alive out there. You are a leader. Act like one and be one. Your work shows in your team and how they interact with the others. It is a reflection of what you have done or not done. Timely article and a good one.
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Hit the fucking nail on the head! Perfect!
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I completely agree with this, but then you also have to think about how many of those NCO’s might also be suicidal and contemplating suicidal thoughts… and how hard it just be to take care of your soldiers when you can’t even get your own life in order. I think the entire military approach to morale needs to improve on all levels because I think this ultimately trickles down from the top. Overall though, yes, I think there is definitely a lack of people caring about each other in general.
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Interesting and excellent article. I am only responding because I have a son in the military. Yes we hear about the “efficiency” of military leadership. It’s a sad reality and should not be a surprise why the military loses so many good people or why they don’t re-enlist. The paper work bs happens in the medical field too. All the documentation has to be there in the chart so that heaven forbid, when JACO comes in “its all in order”. Leadership never really has “it” where “it” needs to be!
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Ey big sarn’t be careful. You’re speaking the truth. We don’t do that anymore. Go be a “good NCO” and go ruin a guys life because dental made him an appointment and didn’t tell him. All jokes aside, I harp about this till I’m bl uhhhh e in the face. My reward? I’m called a spec-5 and a Joe hugger. Tbh IDGAF bc the jackasses you’re talking about can barely fire a weapon and probably don’t even know how to conduct their METL (or even know what a METL is). Their worst enemy are people who live with integrity, and the numbers grow by the day.
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The problem is that filling out paperwork and checking the boxes is something that is required and can be enforced while no one is required to give a shit about their Soldiers. Even if it was a requirement, the Army cannot force anyone to care about anyone else, and there is no regulation that can be written to change that.
Many leadership skills and tasks can be taught, but actually caring about your Joes cannot. It’s something that separates good leaders from great ones.
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What great article. Just be read and in the boot camp manual of every service. In the training manual of every promotion or lateral move.
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Yes. A thousand times yes. This merits the widest possible angle of dispersion to borrow from Star Trek
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That was the most thought provoking article on suicide prevention I have ever read. As a retired soldier and government civilian I have been through what seems like countless suicide awareness training sessions, but all the education in the world means nothing if I don’t care. Of course no one says or even thinks they don’t care, but our actions or inactions say it for us. Your article wipes away any excuses we as formal or informal leaders have for not taking that extra needed step with a hurting person. What was said in your article should be said in the suicide awareness training sessions. I think people would pay more attention. Thank you for writing this.
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Spot on Brother! What you’re talking about is how I was trained in 1978 and trained my soldiers and subordinates throughout my career. I was also taught that NCOs should know the same things about their officers and the other NCOs in the unit. My soldiers knew their leaders well enough that they would know by demeanor if there was a problem.
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Spent 10 years in the army and 20 in the USMC. Army leadership has big issues. When it comes to caring, empathy, truly knowing and caring for your people, army leadership fails miserably. It was all about getting promoted for most army “leaders”. Cannot not say that was the case in the Marine Corps. Sure, we had our selfish losers, but they were sniffed out fairly quickly and marginalized, even when they were Colonels.
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Not gonna lie, this article hits my heart in no words can describe. This is a issue within not only NCOs, Officers, too. All genders, all ages, doesn’t matter you are prior service or not. I myself am Officer and currently in therapy because I was diagnosed depression, anxiety, and ptsd (fun fact, ptsd don’t necessarily relates to combat especially in military, you will be surprise when you found out a lots of folks in our organization suffers ptsd due to non-combat experiences, real life can cause the problem, too) I wouldn’t let my chain of command knows because they already giving you a sign that THEY AREN’T give a shit, so why waste time. I myself contemplated three times suicide, didn’t really happened because every single time I’m about to do it there is a voice yelling at me “you still have people waiting for your to help them” First time was because of Mom, second time because of a mentee of mine, third time just happened recent, the Soldiers I knew who already passed and those who may or may not. For those curious of what depression feels like, and this might depends on different individuals. Depression makes you feel like an endless marathon in the dark. You have to keep running until you no longer could, no one is running with you but you. If that sounds plain to you, I’m blessed you are not in that situation and I hope you will never be in it. But if you are, I want to share with you a little faith of mine. If depression knock your door and start living with you, depression could possibly be our battle buddy, a buddy that helps us look crystal clear about our surroundings, the people who really, truly takes fucking care on you and who’s the real jerk so we can save our time ignore them. The mistakes we made and slowly figuring way to make them right, don’t rush, take your time. Mental issue has been seen in younger folks in our nation now, more in our Army. It may takes decades to fix it, but I hope it won’t take that long.
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